Is Divorce the New Mark of a Free Society, or an Irresponsible One?
No one but the individual couples themselves knows the ups and downs of marriage. Divorce is a necessary evil, no question. Some marriages are just not meant to be. It’s difficult, giving up the single life or leaving the home you grew up in to get married. But love is the craziest emotion, so the married life still calls to many.
It’s only in the past 50 years that divorce has become more and more common. Why? It actually should be less common, especially in this country. Everyone is educated, no one is forced into arranged marriages. Children can be planned, no " surprises ". Women are fully in the workforce, so two salaries are available for home ownership, vacations, luxuries that may have been unattainable for the last generation. Want to talk to your loved one? No need to wait for them to come home, call their cell, get the problem solved now, nothing is left to fester, keep the lines of communication open. Having some problems? Read a book about marriage, google self help topics on the Internet, find a good counselor, work through the problems. All these tools are available. Marriage should be a success story, but often its not. Why?
I believe it is the amount of choices available today. It encourages people to be less responsible. Not happy with your job? You can move and get a divorce if the spouse wants to stay put. You have a right to your happiness, you shouldn’t let him/her stand in your way. Birth control has taken the risk of pregnancy away from any affair, so why not have that one night stand. I’m not hurting anyone, variety is the spice of life!. Marriage vows? Not if they don’t find out! Stay home at night? I have my cell phone, my spouse can call me if they need me. Children? Only when we are good and ready and we can hire a nanny. And I still want to go out with my friends, I deserve my " me " time, they don’t understand me at home.
We all know these people. They have a child or two, then decide they are not happy. Hello!! Who said it was going to be easy! For the first time in their lives, these people are faced with responsibility to another person, and they rebel! Hey, being responsible is difficult, no question. No one should stay in an abusive relationship, emotionally, physically, whatever. But too many marriages today break up because one or both parties just don’t want to deal anymore. And too often its the woman who ends up with the children, getting a check to cover expenses but little or no physical or emotional support. The children? Well, in the dating world, they are called " baggage ". I can’t do anything this weekend, I have the kids. We will have a good time when my ex takes the kids. Common phrases in our society, and its a shame. This isn’t my wife, its my baby’s mother, another of my favorites.
Has anybody thought about these children? Somebody needs to tell couples with children " Hey, you had children together. Sometimes its not about YOU in this life. These innocent human beings need your attention and love, and try not to screw them up. They are your responsibility to raise, not baggage or an expense or a drag on your lifestyle! "
Everyone talks about freedom, having more freedoms, etc. I would like to hear somebody say a little more often " I made commitment to my spouse and I am going to stick by it" . Is it old fashioned to expect people to live up to their commitments? I have a friend getting divorced for the second time. He has no children, professes to still love his wife, but he’s not " happy ". So he goes back to his parents and tells them they did not let him choose his own career, they wanted him to be a professional and he wanted to be a construction worker. That’ s why he’s not happy. What a crock! If you are not happy, look in the mirror and have a good conversation. Most people control their own happiness. You are " Free " to be happy. Get used to it.
whereIstand Tags
October 10th, 2007 at 8:59 am
It’s NOT actually becoming "more and more common," though. In fact, divorce rates are currently the lowest that they’ve been since 1970.
NYT
October 10th, 2007 at 11:11 am
Interesting post, Boo. I make my comments as a single, never married man. I think selfishness does break up many marriages. Selfishness rears its ugly head in many other ways in life, but divorce plagues various relationships including as you said, children, other family, friends and associates. Committment needs to be a lifelong value. God says in the Bible that he hates divorce. Society would be a whole lot better off if it promoted marriage and encouraged a lifelong committment. Families would become stronger and the trickle down negative effect would lessen.
October 10th, 2007 at 1:20 pm
Apparently — since the divorce rates are going down and down, and have been for the last 37 years — American society IS doing a good job of promoting marriage and encouraging a lifelong commitment.
October 10th, 2007 at 2:57 pm
I would be interested to see those stats. Unfortunately, that will not include the people who do not get married but only live together, and while they can’t get divorced, you have the same results without adding to the divorce statistics. I guess we could assume the same rate of success versus failure though.
If the divorce rate is falling, that is an excellent thing. I do stand by the premise of my post that the freedoms we have been given in recent years contribute to the reasons people divorce. I realize the term " broken home " is not used any more, and rightfully so since it tainted the self esteem of the children, but that is really what the children of divorced couples come from. Its a shame, no matter whether its increasing or decreasing. It’s a necessary option that too many people use as an escape hatch.
October 10th, 2007 at 4:14 pm
Divorce is a wonderful thing. Why should anyone stay married if they are unhappy? Life is too short. Why do people see divorce as an "escape" or cheap way out?
BooMac, where did you get your stats to support this statement?
I’m being honest, I would like to know who’s right in this debate.
October 10th, 2007 at 8:15 pm
Was divorce more common in 1957 or 2007? Maybe Jenna knows, but common sense tells you that more people get divorced now than 50 years ago. Jenna says the numbers have improved since 1970, I’m good with that if its true. I am generalizing, that’s for sure.
Its unfortunate that commitment is a dirty word for some people. Should unhappy couples get divorced? Of course they should try to make it work, but some marriages are bound to fail, so divorce is necessary. I see it as more of a problem when people have children, especially more than one. Once the fun ends, some people look to bail. The old saying" you made your bed, now sleep in it " rings true to me. Its not just you and your spouse anymore, you have responsibilities, impressionable young minds you created to raise and divorcing might solve one problem for you but it come with a host of others.
Hilary Clinton says it takes a village to raise a child, I don’t think she meant a village of single parents.
October 11th, 2007 at 10:22 am
Certainly not, but it’s not reasonable to think we’re going to get to a point where single parent situations dominate. I think "divorce" is a much dirtier word in our society than "commitment."
October 11th, 2007 at 2:52 pm
I agree. Good point.
October 16th, 2007 at 8:56 am
While I appreciate BooMac’s take on the topic of divorce and agree with much of what he says, I think that the issue is being washed over. Sure, people get divorced much more easily today than they once did and often it is damaging to the child….