The Mitchell Retort
George Mitchell could be Peter Gammons’ paternal grandfather…seriously, in the history of narcs ruining everybody else’s fun, has one ever looked so sinister and cold as GM? Forget that, has any audible human ever looked so close to death? Try some V8, Mr. Mitchell, it might bring back the color to your otherwise lifeless body.
Bud Selig just better thank god that Mitchell didn’t utter the names “Ripken” or “Jeter” in his 1,345,284,893 page report. That would have really rocked the boat…
Andy Pettitte is amazing: he put the “human” back into “human growth hormone.” He is the only guy who can come out and apologetically admit to using HGH and conjure up a collective, Full House episode-ending “awwwww” from the general public. None of the other players who stepped forward after being linked to ‘roids gave off that 12-year-old “I know what I did was wrong and the lesson learned is more positive than the mistake made was negative” vibe like Pettitte..somehow this guy stays classy, even in his most classless moments. I bet you this: the University of Texas would bring him back as a speaker if he were an alum…
If anybody is still wondering if being linked to juice makes any difference to your attractiveness in MLB, go talk to Eric Gagne and Miguel Tejada. Amazing. What lessons are we supposed to teach our youth about why it is so terrible to cheat and why it is so painstakingly important that they steer clear of such evil vices? Even if you get busted, you can probably still fetch 10 million a year.
A bogus list leaked on the internet about an hour before Mitchell’s presser began…the most notable name included on that list that was NOT included on the official report:Darryl Kile. That’s just sad…thank god his family wasn’t forced to make a statement defending him by the grave.
Also on that list: Jason Varitek. Man I was ready to throw that in the face of Red Sox nation…you sidestepped that bullet; good thing Mitchell dons a big red “B” whenever he’s at the ballpark
whereIstand Tags
- What effect with will the Mitchell Report have on Major League Baseball?
- Will the Mitchell Report deter baseball players from using performance enhancing drugs?
- What effect will the Mitchell Report have on Major League Baseball?
- Was the Mitchell Report effective?
- Should players named in the Mitchell Report be penalized?
December 28th, 2007 at 10:04 pm
First of all, how do are you able to wrap text around your photos?
Second of all, Mitchell’s a good guy — you’re just being mislead by the media. Check out this blog post for expert analysis: http://blogs.whereistand.com/gethro/31
Third of all, what are the chances that the Texas High School Coaches Association actually decides to follow through with their invitation of Clemens to be a guest speaker at their conference. Clemens’ area of expertise? His legendary workout regime.